


What a Heavenly Way to Die

by Zzzara



Series: Lost Boys [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Based On a Troye Sivan Song, Boys In Love, Drarry, Emotions, Falling In Love, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Harry Potter, Sexual Tension, Summer, Swimming, Swimming Pools, Troye Sivan's song inspired, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, What a Heavenly Way to Die, all Troye's songs are Drarry AF, reserved Draco Malfoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:36:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zzzara/pseuds/Zzzara
Summary: With a flick of my hand, I send ripples across the water, watching as they shine and flow to finally touch you, caressing the tender skin on the inside of your wrist. I like to think the water is my lips. I pretend I am the water, clinging to your skin, licking your wrist without shame.  Not looking at me, you gather water in your palm, making it flow through your fingers. I imagine water is my fingers, slipping right between your slender ones.





	What a Heavenly Way to Die

**Author's Note:**

> This work belongs to the series "Lost Boys" and takes place during the events of "Empty Swimming Pools" - the Part 2 of the series. 
> 
> Harry is pining, and Draco... is Draco.
> 
> The mood and the title are borrowed from Troye Sivan's song "What a Heavenly Way to Die", which has also been an inspiration for writing this fic. 
> 
> Eternally grateful to my wonderful beta Rinny Lake (@catastrophelake on Tumblr). Thank you so so much for your skill and precision! <3
> 
> [Disclaimer: all characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I write for fun and don't make any profit.]
> 
> Don’t repost/copy this work to any other websites without my permission.

**What a Heavenly Way to Die**

_Tell each other you’re the one_

_While we’re lying by the poolside, poolside_

_Getting tired from the sun_

_Fading in and out of long nights, long nights_

_There’s no limit to your love…_

 

_What a heavenly way to die_

_What a time to be alive_

_Because forever is in your eyes_

_But forever ain’t half the time_

_I want to spend with you_

_You_

_I want to be with you_

_You_

_[Troye Sivan, 'What a Heavenly Way to Die']_

"What a heavenly way to die."

You words make me flinch.

My eyes snap open, and the sun’s reflection off the water hits me right in the face. I squint at you across the pool.

Beams of light shimmer on your skin, making your lazy posture look golden and silvery and ethereal, like a mirage in the hot air. One leg dangling in the water, you sprawl boneless on the stone edge of the pool.

Thick, content with hot mid-afternoon fatigue, your voice tells me that's not what you actually mean. You are lazy and tired, and we probably shouldn't lie in the sun like this...

The word _'die'_ sends a jolt through me anyway.

The word _'die'_ cuts cold into the golden summer haze.

I don't want to think. Don't want to remember. Your lean figure flying black against the icy disc of the Moon. Black night. Black waters of the Black Lake. Your hair and snow - white. Black and white. Black and white.

Icy scream, frozen in my throat.

_‘MALFOY! NO!’_

I don't want to remember.

Memories don't ask my permission.

"What?" You remove the arm covering your eyes and turn to me.

Thrown back into the hot summer air, I shake myself. "Nothing."

"Oh, I mean..." You sit up, dipping both your feet into the pool.

"Nevermind." I shake my head. I feel stupid.

"No, I mean..." You squint at me, brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. What a time to be alive - is what I meant."

Your face is sunburnt-red, your thick hair - silvery and white and golden - almost reaches your chin. Though I can't see it from here, I know the sunburnt skin on your nose is peeling off, and it drives you bonkers. You pick at it in front of the mirror, unaware of me staring. Unaware that I can barely keep my hands from reaching out, from cupping your face and running my fingers through the bright strands of your hair. I would kiss every inch of your sunburnt face, your temples and your peeling nose, feel the flutter of your eyelashes under my lips.

If I could.

I don't dare.

Unless you dared, I don't think I ever would.

"You see! That's what I meant," you repeat.

I nod. I know. I know that’s what you meant.

 _'Die'_ is just a word, a sound. It means nothing. Not anymore.

"I know," I say.

You lie back down on the stone, turning on your stomach.

I mirror your posture on my side of the pool and dip my hand up to the wrist into the water.

You do the same, sending ripples in my direction.

I send them back at you, and in the middle sunbeams collide.

"Thank you." Your voice is quiet, heavy with something I wish I dared hope for.

You look at me, eyes obscured with the shining strands falling across your face. Without my glasses I can't really discern where your hair ends and the sun begins.

You are probably doing that on purpose. Trust you to do just that - shine right in my eyes to conceal yourself from me. To hide in plain sight and never let me _see._ To blind me without mercy.

Sun is in my eyes. You are in my eyes. Right now I can't really tell the one from the other or see the difference.

There's no difference. Not for me.

I can't tell the moment when it came to that. I was never aware when it came to that. And still I am not.

When?

I don't know.

The only thing I am sure of is that now is forever.

_Forever isn't even half the time I want to spend with you._

If you let me.

"Thank you," you repeat, "for..." You shake your head.

I know what you mean. I could play dumb and ask you _'What for?'_ to keep talking, to conceal what is actually right here, right now between us.

I won't.

 _'For saving my life'_ \- you mean.

We both know what you mean.

"You don't have to..." With a flick of my hand, I send ripples across the water, watching as they shine and flow to finally touch you, caressing the tender skin on the inside of your wrist.

I like to think the water is my lips. I pretend I am the water, clinging to your skin, licking your wrist without shame.

"I want to. To thank you. For everything you are doing. I've never said that, and I think I should." Not looking at me, you gather water in your palm, making it flow through your fingers.

I imagine water is my fingers, slipping right between your slender ones.

"No, you shouldn't." I know you are grateful, you don't have to say that. Gratitude is not what I want from you. Gratitude has no value.

But if gratitude is all there _is,_ I'll take it.

"I want to." You peer at me from under your tangled fringe.

"Okay... if you want to... okay."

"Harry..." You sit up, brushing your hair off your forehead.

You call me by my name now, but every time you do it still feels new. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that. I don't think it will ever be possible to hear the low rumble of _'Harry'_ on your lips and not feel butterflies in my stomach.

I want to get used to that. I want you to say my name often. As often as a lover says it to a lover, without a second thought.

You don't say it often. But when you do, every time it is a gift, a caress, an acknowledgement.

"What?" The word is stuck in my throat. I am an idiot, but every time, in  moments like this, I think you are going to say _something._ Or give me a sign. Confirm, acknowledge that fleeting _thing_ that sometimes feels so tangible and real. Other times it is probably just my own wishful thinking.

"Nothing." You smile. "It's just... I think I could lie here forever."

_Forever isn’t half the time_

My heart thudding, I sit up. "Draco?"

Leaning on your hands at the edge of the parapet, you look at me. "What?"

"I..."

_I want to be with you_

_say it_

_do it_

_but I AM with you_

_am I?_

_yes or no?_

_find out_

_and be done with it_

"What?" You repeat.

"I think..." I stand up ... _Forever isn’t half the time..._ "I think we should go back. The sun is too hot."

 _Damn._ Familiar annoyance lodges right next to my crazy heart. Anger flickers out to be replaced with the usual resentment. I don't have the right to be angry at you. I still cannot help it.

_Just fucking step forward_

_Just make a move, damn you, Malfoy_

_So that I know I'm not reading this wrong._

_You never do._

_So I never do._

_And here we are._

"Yes," you agree and get to your feet. Stretching your arms above your head, you make your ribs stand out. "Ouch. I've got a sunburn."

Your stomach flexes, hipbones jutting. I want to slide my thumbs over their sharp edges, to press my nose into your navel and soothe your angry-red skin with my tongue.

I should probably do just that and be done with it. Leave you no choice.

Kicking off the parapet, you dive head forward into the shining water, and in a glimpse it swallows you whole, leaving me staring down at your fluid shape retreating swiftly down, down to the sunlit tiles of the swimming pool floor.

 _Forever isn't half the time,_ I think and dive in your wake, _Damn you, Malfoy._

I meet you in the middle, on your way back to the surface, and when you grab my wrist I don’t resist, letting you pull me up into the swimming sun.

 

***** The End ****

 

**_I am on Tumblr:[big-draco-energy](https://big-draco-energy.tumblr.com/)_ **

**Author's Note:**

> This work belongs to the series "Lost Boys".  
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to share your opinions with me in the comments below if you want :)  
> Tell me how you came across this fic, I'm really interested to know!


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